The definitive guide to every DOAC episode that will change how you think about dating, attraction, relationships, and love.
If you're single, recently heartbroken, stuck in a situationship, or just trying to figure out why your relationships keep ending the same way — Diary of a CEO has the episodes you need to hear.
Steven Bartlett has interviewed the world's leading relationship experts, dating coaches, therapists, and neuroscientists about love, attraction, and what actually makes relationships work. These aren't surface-level "just be yourself" conversations. They're deep, uncomfortable, science-backed discussions that will fundamentally shift how you approach dating.
I've watched every single relationship episode on DOAC and ranked the 15 best ones specifically for anyone navigating the modern dating world. Whether you're swiping on apps, recovering from a breakup, or trying to build something real — these episodes are the place to start.
Guest: Matthew Hussey — World's most-followed dating coach (10M+ followers)
Best for: Anyone struggling with modern dating, situationships, or knowing their worth
Key insight: "Confidence isn't about not caring. It's about caring deeply but not needing validation."
This is the single best Diary of a CEO episode for dating — and it's not even close. Matthew Hussey came on the podcast and delivered what feels like an entire relationship coaching programme condensed into one conversation.
The core of Hussey's message on DOAC was this: most people are terrible at dating not because they lack attractiveness or charm, but because they lack clarity about what they actually want. They're so focused on being chosen that they forget to do the choosing.
He introduced what he calls the "Investment Framework" — the idea that in early dating, you should be evaluating whether someone is worth your time and energy, rather than performing to earn theirs. This completely flips the anxious dater's mindset on its head.
"Stop asking 'do they like me?' and start asking 'do I like who I am when I'm around them?' That one question will save you years of heartbreak." — Matthew Hussey on Diary of a CEO
Hussey also dismantled common dating advice like "play hard to get" and "never text first." His take: games attract game-players. If you want a genuine connection, you need to be genuinely available — but with standards. There's a huge difference between being open and being desperate, and most people conflate the two.
Guest: Esther Perel — Psychotherapist, author of Mating in Captivity
Best for: Anyone in a long-term relationship wondering where the spark went
Key insight: "Fire needs air. If you're suffocating your partner with closeness, the flame dies."
Esther Perel's appearance on Diary of a CEO was one of the most intellectually stimulating conversations the podcast has ever produced. She challenged the entire Western model of romantic love — the idea that your partner should be your best friend, your lover, your therapist, and your co-parent all at once.
Her central thesis: desire requires mystery, and intimacy destroys mystery. This isn't pessimistic — it's liberating. It means the death of passion in long relationships isn't a sign of failure. It's predictable. And it's fixable, if you understand the mechanics.
The conversation with Steven was particularly powerful because he pushed back on her ideas. He asked: "Doesn't that mean love is fundamentally contradictory?" And Perel's response was brilliant: "Yes. And learning to hold that contradiction is what separates people who stay happily together from people who keep starting over."
"We used to have a village to meet our emotional needs. Now we expect one person to be what an entire community once provided. That's not love — that's an impossible job description." — Esther Perel on Diary of a CEO
Even if you're single, Perel's insights are transformative for dating. She explains why the early stages of dating feel so intoxicating (novelty + mystery + uncertainty) and why those feelings naturally fade. Understanding this helps you avoid the trap of chasing that initial high from person to person — the pattern that keeps serial daters permanently single.
Her advice for new daters: bring your full self to the relationship, but don't lose yourself in it. Maintain your friendships, hobbies, and identity. The most attractive thing you can do is have a life worth sharing.
Guest: Dr. John Gottman & Dr. Julie Gottman — 40+ years of relationship research
Best for: Anyone who wants to understand what makes relationships actually last
Key insight: "Masters of relationships turn towards each other. Disasters turn away."
John and Julie Gottman have studied over 3,000 couples across four decades. They can predict with 94% accuracy whether a couple will divorce — within the first few minutes of observing them argue. Their DOAC episode was an absolute masterclass in the science behind lasting love.
The concept that hit hardest: "bids for connection." Throughout the day, partners make small bids — a comment about something they saw, a touch on the shoulder, a question about your day. Happy couples "turn towards" these bids 86% of the time. Couples heading for divorce? Only 33%.
This means love doesn't die in big dramatic fights. It dies in small moments of turning away — scrolling your phone when your partner tells you something, dismissing their excitement, not noticing when they need support.
The Gottmans introduced their famous "Four Horsemen" framework on DOAC — the four communication patterns that predict relationship failure:
If you recognise these patterns in your dating life — even in the early stages — pay attention. They don't get better with time. They get worse.
Guest: Dr. Helen Fisher — Biological anthropologist, chief scientific adviser to Match.com
Best for: Understanding why you're attracted to certain people (and why it's often the wrong ones)
Key insight: "Romantic love is an addiction. Literally. It activates the same brain regions as cocaine."
Dr. Helen Fisher brought the neuroscience of love to DOAC, and it was fascinating. She explained that romantic attraction isn't a random feeling — it's a specific cocktail of dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin that evolved to serve a reproductive purpose.
The most mind-blowing revelation: when you fall in love, your serotonin levels drop to the same level as someone with OCD. That's why new love feels obsessive — because neurochemically, it literally is. You can't stop thinking about them for the same reason someone with OCD can't stop checking the lock.
Fisher also explained her "personality type" research — that people tend to fall into four broad biological categories (Explorer, Builder, Director, Negotiator), and understanding your type helps you understand your dating patterns. Explorers crave novelty and often struggle with commitment. Builders value stability and tradition. Directors are analytical and decisive. Negotiators are empathetic and intuitive.
"You can't control who you fall in love with. But you can control who you stay in love with. That's a choice you make every single day." — Dr. Helen Fisher on Diary of a CEO
Guest: Steven Bartlett — Solo episode
Best for: Ambitious people who struggle to balance career and relationships
Key insight: "I treated relationships like a business problem to solve. That was my biggest mistake."
This is the most vulnerable Steven Bartlett has ever been on his own podcast. In this solo episode, he opened up about how building companies in his 20s destroyed his ability to be a good partner. He admitted to prioritising work calls over date nights, treating emotional conversations like "inefficient" use of time, and essentially expecting partners to fit into the gaps of his schedule rather than making space for them.
What makes this episode essential for anyone dating is Steven's honesty about the "successful person's relationship trap" — the belief that because you've achieved things professionally, you should be able to "figure out" love with the same logic. But love doesn't respond to strategy. It responds to presence, vulnerability, and consistency.
Steven shared that therapy helped him realise his avoidant attachment style was directly connected to his entrepreneurial drive. The same independence that makes you a great founder makes you a difficult partner — unless you consciously work to override those patterns.
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Join the Newsletter →Guest: Derren Brown — Mentalist, author, psychological illusionist
Best for: Anyone who keeps repeating the same relationship patterns
Key insight: "You're not choosing partners. Your subconscious is. And it's choosing based on unresolved childhood patterns."
Derren Brown's DOAC episode wasn't explicitly about dating — but his insights on the stories we tell ourselves, the illusion of free will in decision-making, and how childhood programming shapes adult behaviour are profoundly relevant to anyone trying to understand their dating patterns.
Brown explained that most of our "preferences" in partners aren't actually preferences — they're familiarity biases. We're drawn to people who feel familiar, and familiarity is shaped by our earliest relationships. If your parent was emotionally unavailable, emotionally unavailable partners will feel like "home." That's not attraction — that's pattern recognition.
The conversation went deep into how to actually break these patterns. Brown's advice: awareness isn't enough. You have to actively choose to stay with people who feel "boring" or "too nice" — because your nervous system has been calibrated to equate chaos with love. The right person might not give you butterflies. They'll give you peace.
Guest: Matthew Hussey — Second appearance
Best for: People who've been hurt and now struggle to open up
Key insight: "A standard says 'this is what I deserve.' A wall says 'I won't let anyone close enough to find out.'"
Hussey's return to DOAC went even deeper than his first appearance. This time, the focus was on a problem Steven identified in his own audience: people who confuse having high standards with being emotionally closed off.
The distinction Hussey drew was powerful. A standard is: "I want someone who communicates openly and shows up consistently." A wall is: "I won't text first because last time I was vulnerable, I got hurt." Standards attract. Walls protect — but they also isolate.
He explained that after heartbreak, many people unconsciously build a fortress and call it self-respect. They say "I know my worth" but what they mean is "I'm terrified of being hurt again." Real standards require courage because they mean staying open to connection while also being willing to walk away if your needs aren't met.
"The bravest thing you can do after heartbreak isn't hardening. It's softening. It's saying 'that hurt, and I'm going to try again anyway.'" — Matthew Hussey on Diary of a CEO
Guest: Dr. Julie Smith — Clinical psychologist, 4M+ TikTok followers
Best for: Anxious daters, overthinkers, people who self-sabotage
Key insight: "Anxiety in dating isn't about the other person. It's about the story your nervous system is telling you."
Dr. Julie Smith's DOAC episode is essential listening for anyone who experiences anxiety while dating — the constant checking of messages, the overthinking of what they said, the assumption that silence means rejection.
She explained the anxiety-avoidance cycle that ruins so many potential relationships: you feel anxious → you seek reassurance → your partner feels pressured → they pull back → you feel more anxious → you seek more reassurance. It's a death spiral that feels impossible to stop from the inside.
Her practical advice was game-changing. Instead of trying to eliminate anxiety (impossible), she teaches people to change their relationship with anxiety. Notice the feeling without acting on it. Sit with the discomfort. Don't text them again. Don't ask "where is this going?" on date three. Let things unfold without trying to control the outcome.
The most powerful moment in the episode: Smith explained that the people who are most anxious in dating are often the most loving, attentive partners — once they learn to manage the anxiety. The same sensitivity that makes you overthink also makes you deeply empathetic and attuned to your partner's needs.
If you're currently going through a breakup, these three episodes form a complete recovery roadmap:
Start with the mental health episodes — particularly the one with Dr. Julie Smith on processing difficult emotions. Don't try to "get over it" immediately. The research shows that suppressing grief after a breakup actually prolongs recovery. Feel it fully so you can move through it.
Once the acute pain subsides, watch the Gottmans' episode and the Derren Brown episode. Understand why the relationship ended — not to assign blame, but to identify patterns you can change. Were you ignoring bids for connection? Were you repeating a familiar pattern from childhood?
Now watch Matthew Hussey's episodes. Rebuild your dating identity from a place of self-knowledge rather than desperation. The worst thing you can do is jump back on the apps before you've processed the previous relationship. Hussey's framework helps you re-enter dating with clarity and confidence.
Attachment theory is the single most referenced framework across all DOAC dating episodes. If you take one thing from this guide, let it be this: understand your attachment style before your next date.
Multiple DOAC guests have explained the four attachment styles and how they show up in dating:
The critical insight from DOAC: anxious and avoidant people are magnetically attracted to each other. The anxious person's pursuit activates the avoidant person's desire for space, and the avoidant person's distance activates the anxious person's fear of abandonment. It creates intense "chemistry" that is actually just mutual triggering.
The solution? Date secure people. Or better yet, become more secure yourself through therapy, self-awareness, and deliberate practice — all of which DOAC episodes provide frameworks for. Check out our guide to DOAC confidence and self-esteem episodes for more on this.
Dating apps come up frequently across DOAC episodes, and the consensus from guests is nuanced — not anti-app, but clear-eyed about the pitfalls.
Dr. Helen Fisher (who was chief scientific adviser to Match.com) acknowledged that apps are simply a tool for meeting people — the relationship still depends on the humans involved. But she warned about "choice overload" — having so many options creates the illusion that someone better is always one swipe away, which prevents people from investing in what's in front of them.
Matthew Hussey was more direct: "Dating apps are fine for meeting people. They're terrible for building connections. The problem is when people start having relationships through text instead of in person." His advice: use apps to get the first date, then put the phone down and focus on real-world chemistry.
The most practical advice from DOAC guests on app dating:
Several DOAC episodes have introduced practical communication frameworks that work brilliantly in dating contexts. For a deeper dive into all the relationship advice from DOAC, see our comprehensive guide.
Instead of: "You never make time for me."
Try: "I feel disconnected when we go a long time without quality time together."
This removes blame from the equation and invites your partner into problem-solving rather than defence mode. It works from the first date to the 50th anniversary.
Instead of: "Why did you do that?"
Try: "I'm curious — what was going through your mind when you decided to do that?"
Perel emphasised that curiosity is the antidote to criticism. In dating, replacing judgement with genuine curiosity transforms difficult conversations into deepening ones.
During a disagreement, making a repair attempt — a joke, a touch, saying "I'm on your side even though we disagree" — is the single best predictor of relationship longevity. Happy couples make repair attempts frequently. Unhappy couples let conflicts escalate unchecked.
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Subscribe Free →Matthew Hussey's first appearance is widely considered the best DOAC episode for dating advice. He covers everything from modern dating rules to setting standards without playing games, and the episode has been viewed millions of times for good reason.
Yes — both through his guests and his own vulnerable solo episodes. Steven has shared extensively about how being an entrepreneur affected his relationships, the therapy he's done to improve as a partner, and the lessons he's learned about love and vulnerability.
Multiple DOAC episodes address breakup recovery, including Matthew Hussey's advice on moving on with dignity, Dr. Julie Smith's framework for processing grief, and several guests who discuss how to break unhealthy relationship patterns.
Steven has discussed having an avoidant attachment style, which he connects to his entrepreneurial independence. He's spoken about how therapy helped him recognise and work through this pattern to become a better partner.
No — podcast episodes are educational, not therapeutic. However, multiple DOAC guests recommend using their episodes as a starting point and supplement to professional help. Several episodes actually encourage listeners to seek therapy.